Alexia's Views

Speaking for the DFW American Marketing Association

Nobody's perfect, right? I know I try really hard every day and become frustrated with myself when I mess up or see that I could have done things better. In the midst of trying to navigate Corporate America, I sought out a mentor to help me find my way, and I found an amazing guide in Rhonda Shasteen. Rhonda made the journey from Administrative Assistant to Chief Marketing Officer at Mary Kay Cosmetics over a 26-year career before retiring in 2010. Needless to say, she knows a lot.

Rhonda's wisdom, savvy and business acumen make her the ideal person to look to for personal and professional insights. Rhonda has the perfect blend of leadership, diplomacy, and grace, making her one of the most well rounded executives I've had the pleasure to meet. On Friday September 9th, 2011, Rhonda and I will share some learnings that have come from our relationship that I captured in my book, Views from the 13th Floor: Conversations with My Mentor, when we present for the Dallas Fort Worth Chapter of the American Marketing Association Professional Development Special Interest Group. During the meeting, which will be held at the charming AMS Pictures, we will present our stories and some great tips on leadership, control, corporate politics, and effective communication, while offering ample time for attendees to ask their own pressing questions. 

The DFW AMA has had the most positive and profound impact on my life, and is the very place where I met Rhonda almost five years ago, along with several other long-time friends and mentors. This special interest group is geared towards helping you advance in your career, so please take a moment to come learn from a truly accomplished master. You can!

Facebook Rules: What kinds of photos should you post?

Ah! the Facebook faut-pas continues. The more I talk to people about Facebook, the more I learn what offends people. The last conversation was around photos being posted at a party or company trade show event and someone in the photo didn't want to be on a co-worker's Wall. It was an innocent photo that could look really bad outside of context. Think of a man or a woman with a group of co-workers of the opposite sex. Would a husband, wife, or neighbor be confused by this kind of picture, maybe?Maybe not. The point is everyone has different levels of comfort around what happens on Facebook, so it's best to ask people and act conservatively in lieu of getting your friends unnecessarily upset.

Below are some good guidelines to follow in regards to posting photos on Facebook or other photo sharing sites. Some I have always practiced. Some I learned through others, and some I learned the hard way.

Parties: There are so many kinds of parties. Birthday. Anniversary, Wedding. Company. Baby. You attend these parties very often not thinking that a friend may be offended when you post photos to a party they weren't invited to. Other cases can include posting photos to a wedding for your recently divorced friend to see. There are many sensitive issues going on, so it's a good rule of thumb to uses the custom sharing features on Facebook albums. You can limit who sees photo albums and even hide from people you don't want to see the album. For example, if you are dead set on posting pool party photos of you drinking with your friends, you might hide the album from your parents' friends. They don't want to see you in that environment. 

Photos with drinks in hand: I once had the opportunity to study opera with Sherrill Milnes, famed bass-baritone. While we were participating in his vocal workshop, we had the occasion to go out as a group and have our pictures taken. Sherrill would hide his drink behind his back. When I inquired he told me that even if it's a soda, you look like you drink too much when you are in a photo with a drink in your hand. Ever since then, I've been careful about those types of photos. 

Great Facebook photos: These can be of you going to dinner with your family, holidays, your children, nieces & nephews, animals & pets, and some vacations. You may not want to post your month long European tour to a friend who just lost a job, but overall travel photos can be very entertaining and joyful. 

Please be considerate of your friends and be responsible as your share your information with the world. You can!

Facebook Rules: When should you Tag your friends?

With 750 million regular users, Facebook and its many social applications has given rise to a new need of social consideration. In the last few posts I addressed when you should friend and unfriend people. Now, when considering your friends, we should also be considerate of tagging them in photos and locations. Each person's sensitivity level on this issue varies, and it's really best not to assume it's ok to do whatever you like.

Checking In
When checking in on Facebook Places or other geo-location applications that allow you to tag and check your friends in too, be sure you ask your friends before doing so. For both safetey and privacy reasons, not every person wants to be followed or exposed as not being home. No matter how cool of a place you are with a hundred of your best friends, if you aren't sure about someone's preferences on being checked in, just ask. If you're really sensitive to it, you can change your settings to prevent people from checking you in.

Posting and Tagging in Photos
Photos are animals in and of themselves. Each person has rules for photos. For me there are no full body bathing suit photos and no photos with a drink in my hand. I'm a huge yoga lover, and no matter how cool I think yoga photos are, they are not always Facebook appropriate, especially when it isn't me in the photo!

When I do post photos and photo albums, I lock them to friends only, and sometimes I customize the viewers to be only the people at the event. That way you can share without broadcasting everything to Everyone, Friends of friends or even your parents' friends who may also be your Facebook friends. 

One you've posted albums or view albums from an event you attended, I'd say tag yourself in those photos as liberally as you'd like. Some people do no want to be tagged by other people. If you aren't sure, you can ask your friend's preferences or observe their behavior. If your friends are tagging tons of people, then they're likely comfortable with you tagging them if they haven't done so already.

Now that people are losing or not getting jobs in the first place over Facebook missteps, please use discretion and act wisely when posting and tagging. Be respectful of yourself and your friends. Social media is a wonderful tool to stay in touch, in the know, and involved. Like any other toy/tool out there, it just needs to be used wisely. You can!

The Power of Journaling

My freshman year of college, I was required to take an English course. After looking through literature courses that were a rehash of high school and being the self-awareness, self-improvement nut that I am, I settled on a class called Writing the Self. If I were to be completely honest, it also sounded a little easier and lighter than American Literature.

As I eagerly walked to my first class on my first day as a college freshman at Case Western Reserve University and the Cleveland Institute of Music, I was full of so many emotions that I wasn't even thinking about the possibilities that awaited me. I walked into the 8 AM class full of lost and sleepy freshman. It was a bright room in a circa 1940's brick building that was common for an industrial town like Cleveland, Ohio. The sun shined brightly through the windows piercing our pupils and alerting us to a new beginning.

Our professor awaited us at the front of the class. She was a young woman, likely a Ph.D. candidate, in the process of completing some student teaching requirements. She walked before the class and said, "Hi, my name is Kristen, and welcome to Writing the Self." Our only required book for the class was a blank journal in which we were to start discovering one of the most powerful tools in our direct access, ourselves.

What's the difference between progress and change?

I recently heard Dean Lindsay speak on The Progress Challenge. The premise of his talk was about what real progress is and how to achieve it. Dean says that all progress is change, but not all change is progress. Often times people and companies make changes but do not always progress.

In light of my last post about how to make better decisions, I thought this subject would be a good follow up. If you are making an effort to self-improve and make better decisions in your life, it will require both change and progress.

To better understand what that means, we have to understand the difference between change and progress.

Dean Lindsay himself says, "Change is inevitable. Progress is a choice."  Webster's definition of change is to make different or alter, and their definition of progress is gradual betterment. You can make physical changes to your situation without bettering it. You can reorganize your company or cut yourself off from a bad habit, but until you start making decisions that lead to new, better pathways, you won't progress.

Oftentimes, the problem with progress is we are too impatient to wait for it. It takes time for the flywheel to start gaining momentum in a different direction. Taking actions towards both your personal and professional goals will help you make progress. It's probably true that you won't make progress without the help of others around you. 

In business the help could come in the form of a network and a connection to a good contact. In your personal life help can come through your friends and family or others who act as sounding boards in your life including mentors or counselors.

Good luck progressing towards your goals. You can!

Meet Neil. The winner of the Alexia's Views comment contest!

A few weeks ago, I met a gentleman by the name of Neil Lemons, through a mutual friend. After talking to Neil for a few minutes, we hit it off as two fellow bloggers and social media junkies. Over the course of our conversation, I learned some interesting things about Neil and his involvement in the Dallas community, which reminded me, once again, of the value and importance of networking and being integrated in your city or town. 

 After meeting Neil, he visited this blog and posted a comment in response to my 100th post celebration comment contest. His comment made him the official winner of the contest, and now I have a great excuse to introduce you to Neil Lemons, and share some of the cool things he's doing to make Dallas a more interesting place to live.

Neil is one of the few native Texans I've met in this state. Among other things, he's a self described "personal development and marketing nut." and has been an active blogger since 2001. He co-founded the website, I live in Dallas, a hyper-local publication on art, events, theater, people and Dallas restaurants. Neil's website is comprised of a group of writers who share interesting things to do and experience in Dallas. The most recent article featured profiles o six boutique hotels in Dallas.

With the help of Neil and his cohort, you'll never find yourself lacking for ideas of things to do in the DFW area.

In addition to being an involved writer and social media guru, Neil is a great networker and connector. Soon after we met, we found out we were in many of the same professional groups, and I learned about even more groups I didn't know about. He gave me the opportunity to grow my network, which lends right into my personal goal for the year to meet as many new people as possible. It's always fun to meet a connector because your circles can expand exponentially in a short period of time. You'll make friends and business contacts you hadn't known before, some of which may have a lasting impact on your life down the road.

I encourage you to visit iliveindallas.com even if you don't live in Dallas. It will offer you many ideas of things to explore in your own town. Experiencing this life is a gift, and I hope you'll follow Neil's example by making the most out of each day. You can!

 

Facebook Rules: When should you unfriend someone on Facebook?

Now that we've talked about when you should friend someone on Facebook.  What are the rules that apply for Unfriending people.  As much as we're a loving group of people and an open society, we don't always need to be friends with everyone. You have the right to "Friend" and Unfriend whomever you wish.

I have friends who regularly clean up their friends' list. This involved going to the Edit Friends function and manually removing people from your list. I, too, have cleaned up my friend's list. I tend to remove people for some of the following reasons:

 1. I met the person a time or two and will probably never see or talk them again.

2. I met someone a few times, Friended them, then upon viewing their Facebook activity, decided the person was not someone I wanted to associate myself with more closely. Frightening or questionable behavior is certainly a good reason to sever the Facebook tie.

3. I dated someone, and it ended. I'll generally wait a while before nixing an ex off Facebook unless it didn't end well. If it's an amicable break-up but you've gone your separate ways,you might un-friend the person at a later date if you ever do at all. I have some exes that I'm more than happy to continue to be Facebook friends with.

Those are reasons that I've unfriended people.  Sometimes if you just aren't a fan of a friend's posts, but don't want to officially unfirend the person, it can be a good idea to just hide their newsfeed.

I have been unfriended as well. Sometimes it's been by an ex, other times by people who are no longer in my circle of friends. In the end it's your life and your decision. You should do what you need to do to take care of yourself and be a whole, healthy person. You can!