Alexia's Views

Communication is Key

"Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut."

~ Elizabeth Elliott

This quote got me thinking. In a world where communication seems to suffer so much, how could keeping your mouth shut be such an asset? In my book, Views from the 13th Floor: Conversations with My Mentor, I tout the value of over-communication. When It comes to business and certain relationships, this is absolutely true. People don't ever say I had too much information.

Conversely, when it comes to the thoughts racing through your head at any given moment, it is often a good idea to keep them there. Don't say everything you're thinking as you're thinking it. Being heard will often create more problems than sitting with your feelings for a while before expressing them. "Think before you speak," is the line that parents share with their children before they go telling everything they hear at home.

For example, talking too much while you're emotional is generally not a good idea. Airing the family laundry is also unwise. Telling every feeling you have to someone you butt heads with or that new crush sitting next to you in a classroom is probably not too smart.

Sharing everything in your head does not guarantee a positive reaction. If you absolutely must get something off your chest, I recommend journaling. The power of journaling can be an amazing release and window into your subconscious. I find my journal to be my best friend at times because it listens without interrupting or judging me.

So, when it comes to the left-brain thinking around planning and logistics, I'd say err on the side of over-communication, and when it comes to the more emotional, dream oriented right-brain thinking, I'd say aim for reservation. Keep your mouth shut and live with your thoughts for a long time before speaking if you do at all. You can! 

 

 

What are you thankful for this year?

Ah, the holidays. It's a melange of joy and stress that we look forward to each year. I guess that's what happens when families come together, and each of us can learn to manage holiday stress.

Children bring out all the joy and good in us with their innocent excitement over holiday activities. The simple smiles on their faces and delightful giggles are worth more than any gift. The kids are playing in the leaves while adults often deal with family issues that go back decades.

The holidays are notorious for dusting the cobwebs off family squabbles that have been hiding since the previous year. Families argue, and we wonder why everyone can't just all get along or see things "my way". Isn't it exhausting to keep fighting?

This year, I am thankful to be spending a quiet Thanksgiving with my immediate family. There aren't any children among us, so we just hang out, cook, eat and watch football. It's relatively low stress, and I'm grateful for it, as I know there are many families out there who aren't enjoying the season.

I'm thankful to have a roof over my head and plenty of food on the table, as I know there are many families who don't even have those things. It's a reminder to us all to make donations to our local food banks.

I'm grateful for feeling well and being at home with people who love me because I know there are plenty of people spending this day alone or sick in the hospital.

I'm grateful there are no battles going on outside my door, and I'm thankful for Skype and telephones that help us talk to loved ones we cannot be close to.

With so much to be thankful for, I hope we can focus on those things and choose not to stress over having a perfect meal. Now is the time to decide to put differences aside until an appropriate time can be made to address them.

You have the power to decide how you want to approach the holiday season. Take joy in your blessings and make an effort to give your time, talents, and resources to others around you. You'll have a more joyous holiday than ever before if you do. You can!

 

Coincidence or Not?

"Everything happens for a reason," they say. I'm not sure who "they" are, but that's what they say. As we go through life trying to create a good experience, sometimes it just doesn't go as we envisioned. In fact, it almost always doesn't go as we planned. A few weeks ago, I wrote abut how a set back can actually be a set up. That bad thing that happens to you is often preparing your for something in your future. There are also many other occurrences and experiences in life that you don't even think about that have a profound impact on the way you view life or your situation. Often times, the "wrong turn" can be leading to a directional shift that you wouldn't have otherwise taken.

I recently heard Kristin Kaufman retell the tales of many chance encounters that helped her gain perspective into the circumstances of her life. Sometimes the conversations with the person next to you on the airplane or at the deli counter will offer enlightenment or opportunity that you would not have had.

Once upon a time, I was in need of a job. I told the man sitting next to me on an airplane, and he connected me with someone who linked me with others and so on until I had two great job interviews. The man went above and beyond the call of duty. He continued to check on me and try to help me generate new activity in my job search. He did all this for a stranger on a plane that he could have likely never seen or heard from again.

Was it a coincidence that we sat next to each other? Do you believe in destiny or fate or divine providence? Many would say there are no coincidences, and I personally subscribe to that philosophy. Do you stop long enough to pay attention to what is going on around you? Very often, long after the events of your life take place, do they make sense to you. We tend to think, "If that hadn't happened, then I wouldn't have gone there and met that person who told me about the event that I decided to attend that led me to my next job or to meet my spouse or challenged me to take on that big project that has changed my life."

Take some time to think about how the beautiful pieces of your life come together and how you've seen beauty come from pain in your past. Your past can definitely help make sense of your present. It all happens for a reason after all, doesn't it? You can!

You Are the Company You Keep

Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are. There are many quotes along this line that have been developed over years. Maybe they're trite, and maybe they're true.

How do your friends reflect who you are? Often your friends share similar interests and are easy to get along with. You generally share many common values. Sometimes you have friends who are different from you, and that's why you like each other. It's great to expand your horizons unless your friends are influencing you in a direction that differs from your core values.

We often don't want to admit we're hanging with the wrong crowd. It's something we put blinders on to prevent us from seeing the truth. High school kids are notorious for choosing bad friends or those who seem more exciting and free than they themselves are. Who knew you can still make the same bad choices as an adult? At any stage in life it's possible to build relationships with the wrong people or nice people who just aren't in sync with you and the direction you are going.

Who you hang out with also affects how others perceive you, so consider how you'd like to be perceived when choosing your company. It's your decision, just be aware because small compromises in your friend decisions can add up to a major divergence in your life path and purpose over time.

For example, if you are in a money saving mode, you may not want to hang out with big spenders who encourage you to go shopping all the time. If you are on a strict diet you should hang out with friends you will keep you accountable rather than joining the Burger of the Month Club. Those are easy to recognize examples, yet others are subtler, like how conservatively or liberally you approach society.

I encourage you to pursue friendships with people who align with your value system and will support you in the direction you are going in life. You can!

Guard your Heart

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23

The first time I heard this proverb, my ears perked up and a revolution began within me. My whole life up to that point had been spent either trying to please others or entertain myself. I always heard people pleasing was bad, but did not quite understand why. Why was it bad to make others happy? It's not. What's destructive is making others happy without regard for how your action aligns with achieving your purposes in your life. When you people please without regard for your purpose, you disrespect yourself and expose your heart to harm. You certainly don't want to harm the wellspring of your life.

When I learned about guarding my heart, I couldn't help but feel regret and mourn over the years lost without knowing about this. I'm sharing it with you in case no one has ever told you to guard your heart. It's a precious, valuable lesson for us all; young and old and both men and women alike. We all need to guard our hearts.

Guarding your heart also means shedding childlike ways and overcoming naïveté. It means considering your actions and commitments before making them. It means thinking about the company you choose to keep and the business you decide to engage in.

Mostly guarding your heart means taking a constructive, analytical look at your life and decisions and how you choose to give of yourself. If you do it consciously and constructively say no to things that don't align with your purpose, you will likely be more wholesome and experience less heartache than before.

Please practice guarding your heart because you can!