Alexia's Views

Fellas, How Do You Treat Your Ladies?

Hello there, gentlemen! Today, I wanted to tell you a little story about a weekend experience I had recently. I normally stay very positive, so I want to relay this story so you can have a more positive experience with the ladies in your life.

Last weekend I was out with a good girlfriend of mine. We went to a party and then met up with some men friends out in Dallas's Uptown area on McKinney Avenue. It was about eighty degrees with no clouds in the sky. Needless to say, it was packed. There were bumper-to-bumper people until the wee hours of the morning. This isn't normally my scene, but every now and then I jump in and play with the rest of the crowd. This evening the mood was right and there we were living it up.

The men we met up with started off great. They bought us a couple of drinks and we all chatted about life and what not for a while enjoying the atmosphere. After a while, we decided to change locales to Dallas' hip, HOTEL ZAZA pool area. This is where we remained with excellent people watching all around until two am, when the bars close for the night. This was all good and well and where the story gets interesting.

One of our gentleman friends decides we need to take a cab to our cars, which were only a few blocks away, so we obliged and hopped in a cab. My car was, in fact, the first one on the route, so we directed the cab driver to take a left turn to my car. About a block into this turn, our gentleman friend instructed him to stop and let us out to walk the rest of the way to my car because he was convinced the cab would not be able to turn around to conveniently take him to his car. My girlfriend turns to him and says, "He's going to take us to our car," to which the man replies, "No, you're getting out here!" Dumbfounded by the audacity of the man and his lack of concern for our safety, we got out and walked to my car which was conveniently located next to a valet parking lot where the cab could have very easily turned around.

What Validates You?

As you go through each day, from where does your confidence stem? Does it come from your level of success at work, your bank account, your stuff, your parents' approval, your popularity among your friends, pleasing other people, or something else?

I think a number of things contribute to our level of confidence, feelings of validation and sense of self-worth. I know I've been through times where I allowed certain external factors influence my sense of self worth more than they should. I've been influenced by my sense of belonging or rejection and get off balance. Many times I've let my social life dictate my validation too much. At other times, I've let my tendency to people please rule my sense of validation.

I know it's not true or honest to my core, and eventually I'll hear the words of my mentor, Rhonda Shasteen, ring through. She says, "Be true to yourself." I also hear the words of my dear friend and concert pianist, Yana Reznik, telling me that things didn't start happening in her life and career until she started doing and saying what she was thinking. It's as if removing those filters we place on our lives out of fear, releases a stronger self that lives within us. That stronger self that emerges is one that has been stifled for much of our lives. It has been listening to a voice that tells us to be afraid of what might happen if we do and say what we really think. That doesn't mean you have to be crass or mean. You can be honest with a kind heart.

When it comes to developing self worth and a sense of validation, hose words develop an ever-deeper meaning. When I hear, "be true to yourself," I hear, "be honest with yourself about what you like and don't like. Pay attention to what you really want to do in order to drive the decisions you make." In other words, don't do something just to appease another person if you really don't think you should. 

As I've been practicing being true to myself over the last years, I've developed a deeper understanding of my true sense of confidence and self worth. I've learned that I can say yes or no and make decisions to be true to myself. Then, I see how I can make decisions in confidence from the inside out, rather than making decisions to be true to myself from the outside in or becuse I am forcing myself to.

With practice, being true tomyself has become more internalized, so that I'm sensing it come from a true place of confidence and self worth. That's when I realized I'm finally to a place of feeling validation from within. I am the one who validates me and my worth, and not anyone or anything on the outside. It was an amazing jaw dropping moment for me to finally get to this place I had been working towards for so long.

I still have to practice as it isn't completely innate, but I've recognized it. It gets easier to tap into and hold onto every day. Then I feel good that I'm still growing up. I think we all do keep growing up for our entire lives with life experience and self-reflection.

So what validates you? I hope it is you, because you can!

If You Start, You Can Finish

Do you ever feel tired and too put out to start something new? I know I often feel that way when it is time to hit the gym or start a challenging chore. I often face that internal struggle where I have to make myself do something even if I don't feel like it right then. I know through the power of deciding that if I can just make myself start, I can finish.

That's how I felt this evening as I prepared to go for a run. I felt lethargic and hungry instead of energized and excited about doing something healthy. I was telling myself that I'd worked a long week and exercised the last three days, but I also knew I had been out a lot the previous weekend and needed to do the right thing and be good to my body.

I found a few things to do to kill some time, like nibbling on a piece of feta cheese. After a little cunctation, I decided to just get into my car and drive to the Katy Trail. The Trail is a lovely place the City of Dallas created to offer a pedestrian path right through town. It is landscaped and full of runners, bikers, walkers and skaters. The atmosphere itself makes me feel more like running.

So I drove over and reluctantly parked my car. I put on my boogie dance music playlist and started at mile marker zero. I promised myself at least 5k. That's my bare minimum for a run, and I more often than not, stick to it. I've been running a little more lately with friends and feeling challenged to step it up a bit, so I said, I'll go to mile marker two, and I can walk the last half mile or so back. I made that commitment to myself, and I would keep it. I just know myself too well. I want to see if I can run all four miles, even when I don't feel like it.

I started and warmed up after the first mile. In Dallas' 90 degree springtime afternoons, it's quite easy to break a sweat. So sweat I did, but I continued on. To make things more ineresting, I decided to put my timer on to see how long it takes me to run a mile--just barely over 10 minutes! For my little five foot three frame, that's not too bad. 

I ran and checked every quarter-mile marker and finally approached the goal, the two-mile marker which set the halfway mark for my run. I hit the lap button on my timer as my foot graced the two-mile mark, and I turned around headed for home. By this point I was feeling very warmed up. To keep things interesting, I decided to run intervals on the way back. I sprinted for a bit and slowed for a bit. I did this back and forth for the next mile feeling good about increasing my heart rate.

It's funny how when you're thinking about sprinting, you forget the lethargy youfelt before you began. In no time, I had reached mile marker zero again and made my way to my car after a few enticing stretches. While I was on this run I thought the hardest part was starting. Once I started, I knew I could finish. 

This lesson carries over to so many things we put off like housework, washing the car, shopping, studying or anything we don't feel like doing right away. Through the power of deciding it's possible to finish anything if you can just start and stick to it. You can!

How Well Do You Keep Your Word?

"Be true to your work, your word, and your friend."

Henry David Thoreau

At the core of a person’s integrity is his or her ability to keep their word. Maybe I was raised differently from most, but I was brought up to honor what I’ve committed to someone else.