It's that time of year again to set goals and resolutions for the coming year. As
I've been thinking about my goals for 2013, I became curious as to how I did on my goals for 2012. Fortunately, I have this blog as a record of my goals from last year.
To recap, I thought I'd review my goals from last year.
1. Love my friends and family completely
2. Make better decisions.
3. Continue to meet new people and grow my circle of friends.
4. Give and experience as much as possible as a marketer and author.
It is okay to love yourself. I love myself, finally. It's been a long journey to learn self-love. I'm only now embarking on the journey of self-actualization and leaning fully
what loving myself means. After thirty plus years of people pleasing and so many repeat occurences of hurt and disappointment, I knew it was time to make a new choice.
I've known for a long time that I needed to learn to be true to myself. My mentor, Rhonda Shasteen, has been teaching me how to be true to myself in baby steps over the years of our mentoring relationship. It didn't really come to a head until earlier this year when I learned The Secret.
The basis of The Secret is love and gratitude. The power of love for self and others and the powerful practice of gratitude have the power to move people, places, and circumstances to change your life. While I knew this was true and had experienced the effects of this practice in tangential areas of my life, it took much longer for self-love to place a firm root into my heart.
I grew up learning to be a people pleaser and serve others. Acts of service is a love language, after all, and there is something romantic in sacrificing yourself for another person. In the end practicing sacrifice projects a feeling of lack and comes back to haunt you.
As all the lessons, memories, pieces of wisdom, and hurt from the past surfaced, I starting to understand what it would take to achieve true love of self. This is a love of self that fosters kindness, compassion and respect, not vanity.
Here are 5 steps I learned to accomplish self-love.
1) Be aware. Tune in and acknowledge your thoughts and feelings. Accept who you are and what you are feeling. Understand that there is nothing wrong with what you like and what you desire. That's what makes you who you are. Some people will like it and others will not. That's ok.
2) Accept yourself as you are. Take care of yourself and give yourself time and space to work though emotions. Accepting things about yourself you've always told yourself you needed to change will not happen in one fell swoop. It is a process. We have managed to conditions ourselves to believe the lies we tell ourselves about who we should be in order to be happy rather than just being happy with who we are.
3) Grow who you are. Allow yourself to be who you are. Tap into your child and teenage selves to reconnect with early joy or hurt. Process it and start making decisions to be who you are. If you love community, be in community. If you prefer to be alone, then be alone. If you need intellectual stimulation, pursue what will bring that into your life. I love to write, and I write from my heart because I have so much love to give, and this provides me with a beautiful creative outlet to be exactly who I am.
4) Establishing boundaries. If you have spent a lot of your life trying to be someone you think others will approve of, then start setting boundaries to make space in the world to be yourself. This can be hard and emotional, especially if you've never made yourself a priority in life. I can tell you from personal experience, the first time I stood up for myself and established boundaries, I cried. I let it out and then felt empowered. The second time I did it, I was more certain I was doing the right thing, but I still cried. I balled and balled, but at the end of it I knew that making a new choice to love myself was the best thing to do. Each time I make that choice, I know it will be easier and less emotionally draining, but the end result will be beautiful. I know we must choose our battles, so choose them wisely. Just have the courage to choose them when you need to.
5) Practice and stay positive. Be happy and love yourself now because it is the fastest way to accomplish change and manifest the happiness you desire in your life. Changing your attitude and choosing to love yourself is the first step to changing your life. Choosing a positive attitude beyond that will be a powerful force in your life.
On December 6th, millions of people around the world celebrate the Saint's Day of St. Nicholas, also known as, St. Nick. He's, of course, most popularly known as Santa Claus!
The life of dear old Santa tells us a story of a boy raised in a wealthy family. He wanted for nothing and grew up privileged. After his parents passed away, St. Nicholas was better known for taking care of children and making sure they had everything they needed. He used his fortune to give to those who were less fortunate than he rather than indulge on himself and the pleasures of this life. I think it's safe to say St. Nicholas found more joy in giving than receiving and that his primary love language was gifts.
In addition to giving gifts, he also gave money. He is known for leaving coins in the shoes of those who left them out by their doors. For this reason, traditions have developed among many in Russian and Romanian cultures for children to leave out their shoes for gifts from St. Nicholas.
Not only is St. Nicholas the saint who looks after children, he is also known as the patron saint of sailors. Seamen look to St. Nicholas for protection on their seafaring journeys.
This is the story of Santa Claus, and on December 6th each year, we celebrate the memory of good St. Nick.
Are you a fighter? Do you engage in constant resistance about the things you do not want to happen? Do you consciously or subconsciously feed energy to your deepest fears and "don't wants"?
I know I often do. I'm only just now learning to tap into them and stop them. It's a gradual progression. So, what ends up happening when you give those fears energy? They manifest. They become your reality.
I recently was reminded of my fears manifesting when a repeat experience happened again out of fear. I always wonder why I attract people with similar behaviors into my life. I thought I was on a new and better frequency, but then my subconscious fears took over, and they manifested. I felt like the wind was knocked out of me, yet again.
Today I turn 33 years old, and I'm grateful for my life! I feel grateful for my family, my childhood, my friends, my job, my house, my health, and my car. This list can
go on and on. I'm truly blessed and feel even happier that it is my choice to be happy and follow my bliss.
In my relatively short lifetime, I've experienced tremendous joy, love, hurt and pain. I've continued to learn and grow every step of the way. I'll share some things I've learned as I reflect on my life.
1. Love yourself and your friends. Choose to love yourself first so you can be there for others. Be there for your friends. Go out of your way for them. That doesn't mean you should sacrifice yourself. Just choose to love them. I've had experiences in life where friends came to my side in love and support and I will never forget them. I've also had friends go by the wayside when I was going through a hard time. I will never forget them either. I want to be remembered in the first group.
As the holidays are quickly approaching, it is a time to anticipate the joy of children and excitement of sharing food and gifts with the ones we love. Although for most of us it is a time of great happiness, for many others who are elderly or have recently lost a loved one, it is a time of sorrow and loneliness. For others, the holidays are not joyful because the family economic situation leaves the Christmas tree bare and the table empty. Can you imagine not having turkey and ham or your favorite treats during the holidays?
With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I'd like to take the time to offer a gentle reminder to go out of the way to make that extra phone call, send a card, or pay a visit to someone who needs love. Donate some food to your local food bank or serve at a soup kitchen.
This is a great time of year to make the extra effort to be others centered and give. I know many of us have a hard time parting ways with our time, energy and resources. I promise if you make the effort and go out of your comfort zone, then you will end up receiving far more than you give.
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