Alexia's Views

Do You Live in the Past, Future, or in the Now?

I am an avid book listener. I like to read fiction and listen to non-fiction. I read when I ride the stationary bike at the gym, listen while I run and when I'm walking around. I am a compulsive multi-tasker trying to make the most of my time, and I'm also trying to learn to live in the now.

My latest listening adventure has brought me to The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I'll be honest. Someone recommended this book to me a year or so ago, and when I listened to it then, it was too esoteric for me. I wasn't in a place to understand the message, so I was surprised when I awoke one morning with a desire to revisit the book. After a few days of the nagging voice of my intuition, I decided to go for it.

After all I've learned over the last year about choosing to be happy and using meditation as a tool to create awareness and make new choices, I was delighted to see I was in a place to use the message in The Power of Now to build on all of the learning.

In his book, Eckhart Tolle, explores how we use the past experiences and future fears to build pain centers in our lives. We focus on the pains of the past and the fears of the futures to motivate our action and consume our energy, rather than focusing on this moment in time. He explains that if you can separate yourself from your past and the future and focus on right now, then you will become a witness of yourself and feel greater peace and joy in your existence.

The book offers many questions and answers that attempt to challenge his theories. He admits there is value in facing your emotions and learning from the past, so long as you use them to be present rather than live in the past.

I must confess, I'm experienced in not being honest with myself, dwelling in the past and using my painful experiences to prevent me from moving forward in many areas of life. I never thought it was entirely possible to extract yourself from the past and the fears and emotions that controlled me. Now, through the power of meditation, I'm growing in my presence of mind and awareness, and I am encouraged through The Power of Now to continue growing the experience.

I encourage you to live in the now too because you can!

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Get Clear About What You Want

The first step to manifesting your dreams and desires is to get clear about what you want. Think about it, feel it, and most importantly write it down. There is something so powerful in putting pen to paper when getting clear about your desires. You can type it up on your computer if that is easier. Mostly, put your wants down and be as specific as possible.

If you find you've been aiming without direction in your career, sit down and write what you'd like to see happen in your career. Do you want a raise? Do you want a promotion? Do you wish to increase your responsibility on your current project or switch to a different project or company? Whatever it is, get clear about it and write it down.

The first thing to remember about being clear about what you want is that you should be honest with yourself about what you want. Your wants are your desires, and you can make them whatever you want them to be no matter how far out they may seem. If you want it and desire it, put it down and feel it as if it has already happened.

Celebrating 33 Years of Life and 5 Powerful Lessons Learned

Today I turn 33 years old, and I'm grateful for my life! I feel grateful for my family, my childhood, my friends, my job, my house, my health, and my car. This list can go on and on. I'm truly blessed and feel even happier that it is my choice to be happy and follow my bliss.

In my relatively short lifetime, I've experienced tremendous joy, love, hurt and pain. I've continued to learn and grow every step of the way. I'll share some things I've learned as I reflect on my life.

1. Love yourself and your friends. Choose to love yourself first so you can be there for others. Be there for your friends. Go out of your way for them. That doesn't mean you should sacrifice yourself. Just choose to love them. I've had experiences in life where friends came to my side in love and support and I will never forget them. I've also had friends go by the wayside when I was going through a hard time. I will never forget them either. I want to be remembered in the first group.

What is Your Primary Love Language?

I'll tell you straight out that I'm a hugger. I love the warm, fuzzy reassuring feeling of a hug. I love pats on the back, pairs dancing, and holding hands. What does that tell you about me? Some people would say I'm a touch-er, and I'll tell you that my primary love language is physical touch.

If physical touch is my primary love language, then what other ones exist? In the book, The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, he addresses that people receive love in one of five love languages the best. We even have secondary love languages. In fact, all people can receive love in each of the five love languages, but if a person does not receive love in his or her primary love language, then the person does not feel loved.

Additionally, everyone can learn to speak all five of the love languages that can help enhance every relationship in your life. This book was originally written to address married couples, but its simple, applicable teachings can be applied to friendships, co-workers, family, dating singles, parents and children and any other type of interpersonal relationship you can think of.

So what are the five love languages?

1. Physical Touch. I'll start with this one since I already mentioned it. This means a person feels most loved through personal touch of some sort like a hug or holding hands.
    
2. Words of Affirmation. These can be words of compliment or words of encouragement. If you think someone looks nice with a new hairstyle, say so. Thank your parents for the effort they have made for you in your life. If you have a friend going through a hard time, be sure to reach out to let them know you are thinking of them and feel confident things will turn around soon.
    
3. Quality Time. This love language is expressed through simply being together. You can watch movies or go to the zoo. You can have a deep conversation and listen. Togetherness is the key to making this person feel loved.
   
    
   
   
   
4. Acts of Service. This language is expressed through doing the small things, fixing a broken item around the house, taking out the trash, cooking, fixing things or anything else that will help make a person's life easier.
    
5. Gifts. The person who receives love through gifts isn't really looking for high priced items. A hand made card or a candy bar will make a gift receiver feel special. This person attaches memories and people to gifts which are far more valuable to the person than the gift itself.

I encourage you to read this book. There are many editions for whatever stage in life you find yourself. I found it enlightening in many ways and easy to apply. So what is your primary love language? Take this quiz and discover. You can!

To Try, Or Not To Try?

Do you have a dream you want to pursue? Do you desire to embark on a new career path, move to a new city, or try for something that seems far fetched and out of reach? I know I sure do. That's how I felt when I first thought of publishing my book, Views form the 13th Floor: Conversations with My Mentor. I wanted to try, but for the longest time assumed no one would care about it. Over time, the dream remained, and I found a way for it to become a reality.

I have assumed many wrong things in my life and listened to fears far more than I care to admit. Listening to the voice that says, "You can't," has often kept me from even trying for something. Then one day I got fed up! If our thoughts determine our lives, then why can't my thoughts tell me, "You can!" That's what I tell you each week, and I should practice what I preach.

After reading The Secrect, The Master Key System, and other books that talk about the powerful impact our thoughts have on what manifests in our lives, I decided to put away that voice of fear. I am going to try for every dream and vision I have that remains with me for more than a fleeting moment. If I continue to see a goal and have a dream, then why on earth shouldn't I try? The Secret says to use the power of visualization to picture your dream as a reality and then release it. Rhonda Byrne and contributors to the book say not to worry about the "how," but to just stay focused on the "what." 

There is a lovely quote by Martin Luther King Jr. that says, "Faith is taking the first step even if you don't see the whole staircase." Doesn't that summarize the beginning of achieving all of our goals? We just need to take the first step and have faith that the next step will appear followed by the next step, until the entire staircase to your goal has been revealed.

When I once expressed a fear of trying to my mentor, Rhonda Shasteen, she told me to think of all the potential outcomes. She then said that if you're OK with how things can turn out, you should go for it. Sometimes that means it won't turn out how you like or imagine. She said that unless the end result might be death or something permanently damaging to you or someone else, then why not go for it?

Henry Ford said, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, either way, your right!" Just believing in yourself and focusing on seeing yourself reaching that end goal can make all the difference. I'm going to keep trying each day and encourage you to do the same because you can!

How to Be Happy

Happiness seems to be this elusive state of being that we're all chasing after daily. We want to be happy and try to put things in our lives that will make us happy. Is it the job, the house, or the spouse that will bring joy? Why do we feel happy and relaxed on vacation without the pressures of daily life?

I've been looking, hoping and searching for the answer my entire life. I've chased some dreams and changed others to adapt to my situation. That's the reality of life, I guess. We pursue dreams and compromise others. After spending years trying to manufacture a life that others approved of, I decided to let all that go and listen to my heart. 

When I look to the people I admire most and consider happy, they have a few things in common. They are successful in business, and they are positive, loving, gracious and generous people. I believe the first stems from the latter. My mentor, Rhonda Shasteen, always taught me to be true to myself. Ever since she first told me that, I've been on a mission to discover what it means for me.

In Lead with LUV by Ken Blanchard and Colleen Barrett, co-founder of Southwest Airlines, Ken comments on the sign on by Colleen's door that says " I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either." Colleen knows you have to take care of yourself first to be able to be good for those around you. You must look into your heart to find happiness. It lives and grows from within you.

 

So after all this time I've been trying to live a life that would please my parents or anyone else I may come into contact with, I'm only now discovering that I have to be happy with myself first to be happy and enable myself to do great things. Living for others approval is perpetually un-fulfilling. This is an exciting journey I'm excited to begin, and I'm feeling more alive than ever.

Thus far I've discovered that the best part about listening to the joy and happiness within you is that it acts as a compass to take you where you need to be in order to accomplish you purpose in life. Your purpose will reveal itself if you listen to the nudge within you. When you follow that guide and are fulfilling your purpose, the happiness continues to grow. This doesn't mean you won't have a bad day, or that you won't have to face fear and uncertainty. You can, however, learn to take those things in stride, and let them roll off your back in order to make room for the joy living in your heart.

 This long-overdue realization has had the most profound impact on my outlook on life. I believe anything is possible now, not because something supernatural is going to come in and take over, but because I'm learning to tap into a joy that is so big that it will help me progress beyond this moment and onto something greater than myself.

It is my sincere desire that I can stay focused on this journey and not succumb to discouragement. I hope you can find your happiness too because you can!

Put the Law of Attraction into Action

Like attracts like. That is the Law of Attraction.

I must admit that I was the number one skeptic of the power of positive thinking as presented through books like The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I convinced myself it was a new age, cultish philosophy and that I should steer clear.

Over the last couple of months, I had multiple conversations with both friends and acquaintances where the book continued to come up. The person I was talking to would look at me intently and say, "Have you read The Secret?" After this happened for the third or fourth time, I decided to pay attention. Since I had a credit with audible.com which I needed to use, I decided to listen to the book.

I bought The Secret and am finished with my third consecutive listen. I'm blown away. This book is a game changer. It's not cultish at all. Instead it is helping me change many negative thought patterns to positive ones. That, in turn, has helped me to manifest dreams into reality. By thinking positively about things you want to see in your life, you attract those things into being. Moreover, The Secret helped me to realize that those dreams come from your Higher Power in order to help you fulfill your purpose in life. There is a reason those hopes and desires live in your heart. They are a compass to guide your life. All you have to do is be open to let them happen and choose to put away any self-doubt mentality.

The law says to ask, believe and receive. It even comes straight from the Bible in Matthew 21:22 that says, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Mark 11:24 says, "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." (NIV)

The law can be applied to your health, your wealth, and your relationships. I've already seen dramatic shifts in my attitude and the activity in my life and look forward to developing this new attitude of positive thinking in abundance and joy.

I've only started this journey and am excited to see what will happen. What I do know is that negative thinking and putting myself down has not worked, so it's time to try a new approach. It will take some practice, but over time, I feel like I can grow into an overall more positive person, full of joy and abundance. 

I will say there are some philosophies in the book that I do not agree with, but if you listen with a sense of discretion, it's easy enough to acknowledge the pieces that do not align with your belief system. The book is presented in a way that you can apply it to whatever you believe. Rhonda Byrne and the contributors try to make it religion agnostic, if that's possible.

There are other books out there proposing similar philosophies like Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives by Elder Thaddeus of Serbia. This book addresses a similar concept from a Christian perspective. I'm reading this one next to see how the two compare.

I encourage you to put the Law of Attraction into action because you can!

How Do You Prioritize Your Day?

We all have a thousand things flying at us, and they make getting everything done a daily challenge. There are work and personal commitments to honor, and if you're like me at all, you have personal desires that you need to respect to help you stay a healthy, balanced person. So when life breathes chaos, how do you keep your head above water without sacrificing your health, relationships, and quality of work?

I know I struggle with prioritizing. In November of 2010, I had all the blessings of the world flowing into my life that made it a zoo. I was publishing my book, planning a launch event, moving to a new place, traveling for Thanksgiving and having some book signings; and it was ALL on top of my regular workday. It was a huge challenge, and I don't know that I was entirely successful at it, though I did manage to keep my cool, which has been a challenge for me during past stressful times.

Book Review: Opening the Door to Your True Purpose

I just read Opening the Door to Your True Purpose: Memoirs of a Journey to Finding My Divine Path by Shelby Alexander Griggs. Shelby is a new friend and fellow author. When we met, the stories of our books came up, though Shelby published hers long before I did. We shared stories of book signings and Mississippi where we are also both from. Shelby mentioned her topic to me from time to time, and I finally decided I'd like to get a copy of her book and read it now that things calmed down a bit in my life. Little did I know the profound impact this book would have on me. It isn't long, but it is easy to read and chock full of deep insights. My exact words to Shelby were, "It is earth-shattering in the most wonderful way."

In Shelby's book she explores different times in life where she made decisions on friends, careers, and perceptions of self. She explores the decisions she made and the obstacles that occurred along the way. Through embracing her challenges and using them as tools to learn, Shelby found her way. She also did this through the encouragement and guidance of the loved ones around her.

Not all her decisions were easy, like her decision to leave a big corporate job or the decision to let some friends go by the way side when they weren't lifting her up. 

Overall Shelby explores the journey into self and finding the deep road to self-esteem and valuing one's own personal worth. She learns to validate herself rather than looking to others for external validation of her actions. She leans and applies the lessons to be true to her self and not function out of a need to please others. 

Her eloquent way of explaining how she cam to this realization helped me to come to a few realizations myself. I had more "a-ha moments" in the short time it took to read this book, then I have had in years, and I don't think I've ever had this many profound personal epiphanies in the span of a few hours.

In the end your path isn't that place where excitement lives and fireworks go off. It is that place where you can breathe and exist somewhat effortlessly. That doesn't mean you will not face challenges, but those hurdles are just lessons to guide you along your way, if you will just listen.

Alexia's Views: a year in review

As 2010 comes to a close, all the news stations are covering the year in review. They are celebrating victories, mourning losses, and looking ahead with hope to a better 2011. Watching the world being reviewed made me think to take minute to reflect on my life and review it over the course of the last year. It often leaves me dumbfounded to stop and think about where I am this year vs. the same time last year.

So thinking back to the beginning of 2010, I was a few months into a job as a Marketing Director for a healthcare company. It was my first time to work in the industry, and I was feeling mounds of achievement at my nice title and the fact that I managed to break into the healthcare industry, a vertical which seemed next to impossible to crack when I first started looking that direction in 2009 after being laid off. Rhonda had pushed me towards healthcare telling me it was the place to be for the next 20 years, so I was happy to be able to realize this vision. 

In addition to my job, I started the fantastic project of compiling my conversations with Rhonda Shasteen, my wonderful mentor, in hopes of pulling together my book that I hopped could help people the way Rhonda has helped me all these years. Book writing was my side project, and it gave me a great sense of purpose that I hadn't felt before.

People keep telling me that folks often talk about writing books, but few actually do. When I hear it, I'm wonderfully complimented and encouraged. All the while I'm also thinking, it never felt like a choice. Something bigger than myself pushed me to do it. I love it when that nudge to move in a certain direction is so strong. I love the sense of confidence and certainty I get from it. All in all, writing the book over the course of 2010 was a profound blessing as it challenged me to revisit my time with Rhonda, and even formulate my own thoughts around the subjects held within the book.

Around March of 2010, I received a message on my LinkedIn account asking if I might be interested in a job opportunity with a healthcare technology company in marketing. I'm thinking, here's my chance to apply my full background in healthcare, technology and marketing. Seven interviews and two and a half months later, I started a new job as a Regional Marketing Manager for that company. I've been there ever since learning, growing and being challenged, all while being surrounded by an amazing team. Just being around them every day makes me feel blessed to be able to learn from such a wonderful blend of experience. This company gives me so many opportunities to be better and apply Rhonda's wisdom. It's not always easy, but I feel myself evolving with time, as I hope to do for my entire life.  

In November I found myself finally finished with the book project. This blog had launched, and it was time to launch the book as well. On November 5, 2010, I was fortunate enough to host a beautiful book launch event at Galerie Zuger in Dallas' Design District, and it was an amazing success on so many levels.

Shortly thereafter, my brother and I moved into a new place. Our family traveled to Mississippi over Thanksgiving, for two lovely book signings and reunions with wonderful friends. Rhonda even came out to be there for he signings.

December held my 31st birthday, and a lovely Christmas with dear family friends, the McDole's. With just a few days left in the year, I'm looking forward to wrapping up a final work week and celebrating the birth of 2011 with some wonderful, fun friends.

Here's to wishing everyone a magical 2011!