Alexia's Views

How Do You Deal With Conflict? 4 Techniques to Try Today

Conflict takes so many forms. It can be a personal conflict with a loved one, a difference in opinions in the office, as arguments between parents and children fighting, or between businesses and customers. Differences are rampant, but it's what we do with them that will make the difference between success and failure. A long time ago I published a post inspired by my mentor, Rhonda Shasteen, called "Are You Comfortable With Conflict?" My mentor's advice to me was to choose to get comfortable with it now because it is everywhere, and you need to deal with it. Have a good attitude and approach your conflict.

 

What's the Difference Between Sacrificing and Submitting?

When I consider the different relationships we have in our lives like those with our parents, children, significant others, friends, coworkers, and others, I think of the different compromises we make to strengthen and grow those relationships. If we choose to ignore investing in the emotional equity of our relationships, they can diminish. We often give willingly to our relationships because we want to. Other times we give because we make the choice to. Then there are other occasions, still, where we act out of negative emotions like guilt, sacrifice, and suffering.

 

Ladies, Remember to Be Careful When You Are Out

My dear friends, I want to share a story with you about a friend of mine in hopes that you will revisit how careful you are being when out on the town. This story affects us single ladies mostly, but there are still opportunities for our married and spoken for friends to be taken advantage of too.

In today's world, it is just as common to meet people on-line through dating sites, as it is to meet potential dates through friends, via a hobby, a set up, or other means. I wanted to share this story with you because it made me take a second look at how careful I am when I go out. It is a good reminder for us all.

The story begins when my gal pal met a stand up looking fellow for a first meet/date from an online dating site.Things seemed to check out okay.  They had exchanged several emails, agreed to meet in a public place and set up a time to meet.

Sometimes Loving Equals Letting Go-Part I

Have you ever heard the story about the little boy who loved his teddy bear so much that he squeezed and squeezed it until it actually fell into pieces and ceased being a teddy bear? The bear is eventually reassembled full of patches and scars that make him a better bear because he is assembled out of love. This little parable offers a metaphor for life, and I want to focus on the part where the boy literally squeezes the bear to death.

I know I have a very big heart, and I love to shower my friends with love and caring. One lesson I've learned recently is that you can't force another person into a better state-of-mind just by being kind to that person. Love and compassion are well intended, but they do not necessarily facilitate a positive outcome for everyone. You can't control another person's reactions and responses to you just by being nice. I can desire all day long that someone I care about is feeling better and not hurting. I can pray for that person and envision your riend in a better emotional state. I can do many things for my friend, when in the end, my friend just needs time and space to process emotions. I think we've all been through times where aloneness is the most precious company to keep.

Although love traditionally means thoughtfulness and caring, sometimes it can equal space and letting go. Giving another person the space and bandwidth needed to work though an emotional situation can be the best way to love that person.

 

That is a challenging perspective for me to understand because when I was sick and in the hospital once, the thoughtfulness and caring of my friends got me through it all. At the same time, I had a number of friends who disappeared during my hardship. That felt like being abandoned or punched in the stomach. As a result, I vowed to never let a friend go when he or she is suffering, but as I learned, in some cases, space and distance is, in fact the best gift you can give your friend. 

You must take it on a case-by-case basis and evaluate the situation with thoughtfulness and caring. Ask people how you can best support them and figure out if it within your capacity to do so. If love does in fact equal letting a person go, it will end up being the only way to know if you have a real friend or not. If the person is really your friend, he or she will return to your life when the pain is gone. If not, you are both free to make new friends and be happy however that manifests in your life.

Although I still find it hard to say and believe, sometimes love equals letting go. Learn how to love your friends in the way they need it because you can!

Fellas, How Do You Treat Your Ladies?

Hello there, gentlemen! Today, I wanted to tell you a little story about a weekend experience I had recently. I normally stay very positive, so I want to relay this story so you can have a more positive experience with the ladies in your life.

Last weekend I was out with a good girlfriend of mine. We went to a party and then met up with some men friends out in Dallas's Uptown area on McKinney Avenue. It was about eighty degrees with no clouds in the sky. Needless to say, it was packed. There were bumper-to-bumper people until the wee hours of the morning. This isn't normally my scene, but every now and then I jump in and play with the rest of the crowd. This evening the mood was right and there we were living it up.

The men we met up with started off great. They bought us a couple of drinks and we all chatted about life and what not for a while enjoying the atmosphere. After a while, we decided to change locales to Dallas' hip, HOTEL ZAZA pool area. This is where we remained with excellent people watching all around until two am, when the bars close for the night. This was all good and well and where the story gets interesting.

One of our gentleman friends decides we need to take a cab to our cars, which were only a few blocks away, so we obliged and hopped in a cab. My car was, in fact, the first one on the route, so we directed the cab driver to take a left turn to my car. About a block into this turn, our gentleman friend instructed him to stop and let us out to walk the rest of the way to my car because he was convinced the cab would not be able to turn around to conveniently take him to his car. My girlfriend turns to him and says, "He's going to take us to our car," to which the man replies, "No, you're getting out here!" Dumbfounded by the audacity of the man and his lack of concern for our safety, we got out and walked to my car which was conveniently located next to a valet parking lot where the cab could have very easily turned around.

Listen to the Nudge Within You

How sensitive are you to that still, small voice inside of you telling you what decisions to make and what direction to take every day? I'm more sensitive to it today than I was in the past. I must tell you that with a lot of good practice over the years, I learned to suppress that voice so that I'd be free and clear to do exactly what I wanted. And that's what I did. I pursued what I thought was going to make me happy. Unsurprisingly, my intuition did not always prove right.

I dedicated myself to this pursuit for many years, and Ioften  felt happy. Then little by little I realized that I wasn't as happy as I could be. This didn't happen as a result of a great epiphany of self-awareness. I realized I was not in sync with the best flow of my life after experiencing a year where everything fell apart. Work, health, relationships, and everything else completely disintegrated before my eyes. When things crumble around you and you are all that is left, you have no choice to examine yourself and listen.

As a result of the situation, I did a lot of crying and soul searching about who I was and how I was investing my time and energy. I always went to church, but now I went with a new ear to hear. What did I hear other than the soothing chanting of the priests? It was nothing very recognizable at first, but with time I grew very sensitive to that whisper in my ear. It was still and quiet, but completely distinguishable from all the other thoughts running through my head. This voice is strong in its ability to guide me in my decisions. 

At first I would feel the nudge in a direction, and I'd carry on doing what I wanted to do anyway. Life continued and I didn't see much progress. I kept going to church in an effort to make sense of life, and the nudge kept reaching out to me until I decided to pay attention. It was about silly, insignificant things like what to wear that day, which road to take, or what to eat. Once I listened, I gained a sense of security and reassurance that I was doing the right thing, no matter how small.  Then I remember the  promise in Luke 6:10 that if we can be trusted with small things, then we will also be trusted with bigger things. I figure that over time, if I continue to listen to the nudge, that the flow of life will be in sync with where it should be.

Now I'm committed to learning more about obedience and listening to the nudge within me, and I hope that it may encourage you to listen to the nudge too. You can!

For the Men: How Do I Work Best with the Women on My Team?

Hello men of the world. In today's growing society of women in the workplace doing wonderful, dynamic things, it seems the rules of the corporate game are being played a bit differently. You may be a bit confused or unsure how to work with or approach working with the women on your teams. That little bit of uncertainty can lead to awkward situations for both the men and the women and inhibit us doing our best work. So how you do you work best with the women on your teams? In effort to help out, here are a few thoughts from a female perspective.

1. Treat us like a relative, with respect, but not walking on eggshells.

2.Call us by our names, you all or y'all if in a group, instead of "gals" or "you ladies." or something else over-formalized. 

3. Listen to us. Women are emotional beings and need to share from time to time, whether a business idea or something going on at home. If you listen for a bit and pay attention, you'll win tons of points with your female co-workers.

4. Be present. Hear our ideas and offer your opinions as well. Participating with the group is much appreciated, and if you're a man in a group of all women, your presence is valued more than you know because your sheer presence can help diffuse some female tendencies to get territorial and catty.